Source: We Ask Our Kids The Same 3 Questions Every Night | Huffington Post
This couple asks their children three questions every day: How were you brave today? How were you kind? How did you fail? What a beautiful, simple idea. But why not ask ourselves these questions too?
Question One: How were you brave today?
When I left an abusive relationship as a young, single mother, it took a huge amount of courage just to wake up each day and put one foot in front of the other. Some days I didn’t know how I would get through the day, the pain was so great.
There have been other challenging times since then too, be it with work or my health (and don’t even get me started on that one!). The Global Financial Crash of 2008, for example, set off a chain of events in our life that meant my husband and I had to live separately, on opposite sides of the world, for 2 years.
I have learnt that being brave is to face fears head on. Sometimes when the unknown is too great and overwhelming this means just facing one day at a time, even one hour at a time in order to get through it. Other times it means embracing that uneasy feeling I get, when stepping out of my comfort zone. But I do so willingly now, as I’ve discovered that that is also the place where the potential for exciting new opportunities can hide.
I’ve learnt that life is a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes you are on a high, other times you hit a wall. But when I look back at some of those dark times in my life I am grateful for them. With hindsight I now recognise that they came to me for a reason. To give me insight into myself. Or to open the door to an exciting new opportunity that would never have happened otherwise. I just need to be brave, embrace the discomfort in the knowledge that one day it will be revealed to me why that dark time came into my life and made me better for it.
Question two: How were you kind?
If we are kind to others, we are being good to ourselves. Kindness attracts kindness. Like attracts like. But the opposite of that can be true as well. Sometimes the things that annoy us most about others are actually the same negative traits that lie within ourselves. That person is a reflection of us. So use them as a mirror to learn about yourself.
If you walk a straight, honest line and treat others with respect, then no matter what happens you can always hold your head high and keep your dignity. If a person does not show you the same respect in return, then be kind to yourself and let them go. They are not worth having in your life.
Question three: How have you failed today?
We all have that inner voice that beats ourselves up and is so much harder on us than anyone else would ever dare to be. When I was younger, mine was relentless and would chastise me for every perceived failure in my life. Allowing myself permission to fail has been one of the most significant lessons of my life.
My childhood was a privileged one. My family lived in a wealthy, middle class neighbourhood. I went to an elite private girls school and got the best education. We went on holidays abroad. Then I found myself in a very destructive relationship which culminated in violence. There was no history of this in my family. I had no idea how I had got there and had to draw on every ounce of strength to walk out. I was like most victims of domestic violence – in denial, still believing I was in love with my abuser. I left him when I was twenty three, with a toddler in my arms and very little else. A failure was exactly how I felt.
Fast forward a few decades later, I set up my own television production company just as the Global Financial Crash hit the UK. My timing wasn’t great. As I had to make the decision to close my dream company down, saddling us with some debt, I felt like such a total loser. And that’s just two examples of failures in my life.
But would I go back and change my life if I could? No. You see, I now know that failures are also blessings in disguise. That violent man was perversely one of my greatest teachers of all.
I spent years working on myself to ensure I broke the cycle of violence and didn’t go straight into another dysfunctional relationship with another abusive man. I asked why I was attracted to a man like that in the first place and why had I stayed when most other women would have run a mile? By doing so I came to understand the depth of my insecurity, to improve my self esteem and to change the negative patterns that subconsciously drove me to choose unhealthy relationships. I became a better person. And I found my soul mate.
Had I not closed my company down I would not be here in Hong Kong today, a country I love and in which our children grew up in. I wouldn’t have had the time to start writing my story, the book I’ve always wanted to write.
So how have I been brave today? Like every day. I face my fear. How have I been kind today? By trying to reflect back to others the goodness they show me. And how have I failed today? I haven’t. I’ve just had a setback that will open a new door, a new opportunity, or may even change my life – I just can’t see it yet.
Ask yourself the same three questions. I’d love to hear your answers in the Comments below.
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