Best self-help books guide 2018: the books that saved & changed my life

Top personal development books of 2018

My best self-help books guide to 2018 is something I’ve been wanting to compile for a long time.

Leaving an abusive relationship was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. On average it takes a person 7 times to do so. I couldn’t have done this alone.

Gaslighting and all the ways a narcissist manipulates and brainwashes you is hard to understand, let alone free yourself from.

It took me a long time to understand I was even in an abusive relationship, before the day my ex wrapped his hands around my throat and strangled me.

Emotional abuse can be confusing.

It’s known as coercive control for a reason. The narcissist will do everything in their power to control you and put the blame for their behaviour onto you.

I needed help and support. I joined a self-help group which helped me find the first shard of light in the dark tunnel I was in.

I read every self-help book I could lay my hands on. I still read them on occasion today.

I always say:

When the student is ready, the teacher comes

And so it has been with my own recovery from an abusive relationship. Many of my teachers have been the authors of brilliant self help books.

I thought I was trapped. Until I realised I had the power within me to change my life. I read as many of them as I could get my hands on.

Each book taught me what I was ready to hear. I applied their wisdom to my life and built my sense of self-worth.

They’ve placed a mirror before me, allowed me to see myself and helped me to grow and heal. I learned to set stronger, healthier boundaries.
To never let anyone abuse me ever again.
You can turn your life around after abusive relationships.

If you stop wasting your precious time and energy trying to rescue a narcissist or save a toxic relationship.

If you’re not afraid to face your demons and fix yourself.
It will be hard work, I won’t lie to you. At times, it will be painful.
Recovery from abuse or trauma is like peeling an onion.
It’s layer by layer.
Little by little, over many, many years.

Time is your best friend.

And so are self-help books and personal development books!

Since this is such an extensive list please feel free to use the links below to jump to a specific section:

Here are my Best Self Help books of 2018 starting with my Top Ten.

Best Self-Help Books 2018 – My Top 10

My #1 Top Self-Help Book

Women Who Love Too Much. When you keep wishing and hoping he will change by Robin Norwood

This is the book that changed my life. When I read these words on page one …

If being in love means being in pain, you’re loving too much

… the tears rolled down my face. Robin Norwood was speaking directly to me. They didn’t stop flowing as I read the book from cover to cover. The book was describing me.

Robin Norwood is a former marriage, family, and child therapist specialising in addiction.

At the time of writing this book, she had treated many women who were victims of physical violence and/or emotional abuse at the hands of their partners.

She became aware of similar themes within their stories and saw a pattern of behaviour which she describes.

Their stories all resonated with me.

Women who love too much are those who put the needs and wellbeing of an abusive partner above their own.

Who take on the responsibility of trying to rescue an emotionally unavailable man.

Who keep wishing and hoping they will change. Believing all they need to do is change their behaviour and prove they love them more.

This book gave me the answers I needed to hear and set me on the path towards recovery. It was the seed that grew into me turning my life around.

It is valid for men in narcissistic relationships as well.

When this book was first published letters poured in to Robin Norwood’s mailbox from readers all over the world. She published them as: Letters from Women Who Love Too Much

I wrote to Robin Norwood too. She answered my letter with a handwritten note of her own.

Needless to say, this woman changed my life.

Other books by Robin Norwood:

My #2 Top Self Help Book

Codependent No More. How to stop controlling others and caring for yourself, Melody Beattie

I didn’t know what the word codependent meant until this book. But again, it described me.

I was addicted to an emotionally unavailable man.

I was forever chasing the high my ex gave me. The one he’d given me when he love bombed me at the start. When he was full of remorse and sorry after violence, telling me he loved me more than anyone on earth and promising to change.

I didn’t realise that whilst I was trying to rescue him and control him, I was denying the fact I needed saving myself. I was using him as a drug to anaesthetize pain and ignore my demons.

Codependent No More is a guide to help you break an unhealthy addiction to an unavailable partner. It helped me to do this.

Self-help workbooks

This workbook is a useful companion to this book: Codependent No More Workbook

Other books by Melody Beattie:

My #3 Top Self-Help Book

Adult children of Emotionally Immature parents. How to heal from distant, rejecting or self-involved parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

This book is brilliant if you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable or narcissistic parent.

Clinical psychologist Dr Lindsay Gibson expertly describes the destructive effect this has on the family and the children growing up within it.

When a child’s emotional needs aren’t me or their feelings dismissed. Or when the child takes on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for their parent’s behaviour.

How a child of emotionally immature parents grows up with an inner void. Has a sense of emotional loneliness, a fear of abandonment and perhaps latent anger.

This can lead to unhealthy, even abusive relationships, as an adult.

This book provides checklists to understand if you have a narcissistic parent and the ways in which you may have been affected by them.

It gives you a path towards recovery, showing you how you can heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood.

How to find the real you.

Other books by Dr. Lindsay Gibson:

Who you were Meant to Be: A guide to finding or recovering your life’s purpose

My #4 Top Self-Help Book

Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men, Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft is a a counsellor who specialises in working with abusive men. He is a also a consultant on domestic and child abuse.

With his access to and work with abusive men he has gained an insight into how they think and why they behave the way they do.

In this book Bancroft uses this knowledge to help women recognise when they are being controlled by an abusive partner.

How to find ways to get free from abuse.

Other books by Lundy Bancroft:

My #5 Top Self-Help Book

Will I ever be good enough? Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers, Karyl McBride, PhD

This book is for daughters who have suffered the abuse of selfish, narcissistic or self-involved mothers. It is a guide to understanding the effect it has on you and how to reclaim your life.

Dr Karyl McBride is a therapist specialising in women’s health which led her to work with hundreds of daughters of narcissistic mothers. She was able to recognise the emotional abuse they experienced as a result of maternal narcissism.

Daughters of narcissistic mothers learn their love is conditional, based on their mother’s expectations and whims.

They grow up to be adults who never feel good enough. That they can’t quite live up to others and are inadequate in some way.

Adult children of narcissistic mothers also have a sense of emotional loneliness. A hole inside.

This book also explains how daughters of narcissistic mothers may also have a fear of abandonment. This leads them to form unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships. As well as having a critical inner voice, a tendency to perfectionism and possibly self-sabotage.

I learned a lot from this practical guide. For those daughters who are seeking to understand the effects of growing up with a narcissistic mother, this one is for you.

Other books by Dr. Karyl McBride:

Will I Ever be Free of You? How to navigate a high-conflict divorce from a narcissist, and heal your family

My #6 Top Self-Help Book

You can heal your life, Louise Hay

This is one of the first self help books I read many years ago. It’s another one that changed my life when I needed it most.

It’s still a best seller today 30 years on.

Louise Hay was then one of the founders of the self-help movement.

The book does what it says on the tin. Gives you techniques and a philosophy through which you can create a better life.

It comes from Hay’s personal experience and a childhood marked by poverty, instability and abuse.

She says: “If we are willing to do the mental work, almost anything can be healed.”

I agree. Recovery from abusive relationships starts with you. You just have to find the strength and courage to take the first step.

Other books by Louise Hay:

My #7 Top Self-Help Book

Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. When loving hurts and you don’t know why, Susan Foreward PhD and Joan Torres

Are you in love with someone who hurts you?

Are you changing your behaviour to keep the peace and them happy?

Is your partner possessive and jealous?

Does he have a Jekyll and Hyde personality?

Are you feelings and needs ignored?

Does he blame you for his behaviour and the problems in your relationship?

Are you walking on eggshells all the time?

I ticked all these boxes when I was in an abusive relationship, so if this is familiar to you too, you are most likely in a relationship with a narcissist.

In this book, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case studies from her work as a therapist and examines both the male and female perspective of these unhealthy relationships.

It’s a useful guide for women to understand the destructive pattern of their partner’s behaviour and the role they play in this toxic relationship.

She shows how you can break the cycle, rebuild your sense of self-worth and heal. How to rebuild your relationship or find a healthy form of love.

Other books by Dr. Susan Forward:

Mothers Who Can’t Love: A healing guide for daughters (Susan Forward and Donna Frazier Glynn)
Toxic Parents: overcoming their legacy and reclaiming your life (Susan Forward and Craig Buck)
Obsessive Love: When it hurts too much to let go (Susan Forward and Craig Buck)
Money Demons: Keep them from sabotaging your relationships – and your life (Susan Forward and Craig Buck)
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You (Susan Forward and Donna Frazier)
When your Lover is a Liar: Healing the wounds of deception and betrayal
Toxic In-Laws: Loving strategies for protecting your marriage
Betrayal of Innocence: Incest and its devastation (Susan Forward and Craig Buck)

My #8 Top Self-Help Book

The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why we love people who hurt us Ross Rosenberg

When I first met my ex the pull I felt towards him was magnetic, so I understand this title.

What is it that draws us so irresistibly to another person? Why is it that to some of us the pull towards a narcissistic or abusive person so strong? Even after they’ve hurt us we find it hard to leave them. We end up feeling sorry for the narcissist. We go back to them.

What at first feels like it’s meant to be and is intoxicating suddenly turns into a nightmare emotional rollercoaster of love, pain, hope and disappointment.

This book clearly sets out the dynamics between codependents – those who are addicted to someone emotionally unavailable – and emotional manipulators – or narcissists. How there is an invisible force that pulls them towards each other and connects them.

It explains why some of us, despite our yearning for true love, keep repeating a pattern of painful, destructive relationships.

Ross Rosenberg is a Psychotherapist and Codependency, Narcissism, Trauma & Sex Addiction Expert.

Other books by Ross Rosenberg:

The Human Magnet Syndrome: the Codependent Narcissist trap

My #9 Top Self-Help Book

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are Brene Brown PhD

When Brene Brown stood on the stage of TedXHouston and did her talk on vulnerability and shame, she felt that way herself. Exposed and like she was about to make a fool of herself.

She had no idea how much her words would connect to people. Millions and millions have watched it since. This book was published soon after.

Brené Brown, is a researcher and leading expert on shame, authenticity, and belonging.

Many of us feel inadequate and that we don’t belong, in a world of social media and advertising that values and rewards perfection.

We become people pleasers and have a negative inner voice that’s critical of everything we say and do. We feel the need to keep proving ourselves. But even when we do, we still feel a failure.

In this book Brown examines how we can find the courage and compassion to feel:

I am enough

To not let vulnerability scare us, as it doesn’t change the truth that you are worthy of love and belonging.

Other books by Dr. Brene Brown:

My #10 Top Self-Help Book

10) Unbeatable: how I left a violent man, Vivian McGrath

Okay, shameless self-promotion here.

I’m Vivian McGrath, a successful television Executive Producer. I tell other people’s stories in documentaries for major British, US and Australian TV networks. Now I’m ready to tell my own. It’s a story many of my colleagues don’t even know about me.

I was just 22 and seven months pregnant the day my Ex nearly killed me. He squeezed his hands tightly around my throat, his eyes fixed in a cold, murderous stare. A voice cried out. It was mine, but it wasn’t me. A horrific rasping sound, squeezed out on my final desperate breaths of air, was begging him for my life. I thought I was about to die that day.

When I found the courage to leave that destructive relationship, I walked out with nothing but my baby and what could fit in my car. I had to rebuild my life as a single mother. It was one of the darkest, toughest times of my life.

But that’s just a small part of my story. Yes, I’m a survivor of domestic violence. But I’m not defined by it.

The more important part of my story is its happy ending. How I went from being a victim to a survivor. From a survivor to a success story. Forging success in life, love and my career.

Unbeatable: How I Left a Violent Man is my memoir of how I survived an abusive relationship. How I broke the cycle of violence. How I turned my life around to become strong, fearless and successful. How I became Unbeatable.

It will give you the tools to understand why and how you came to be in an abusive relationship. Why you are feeling sorry for a narcissist and putting their needs above you own.

Why it’s so hard to leave a narcissistic relationship and why it hurts so badly when you do so. How to find the courage to walk away and resist the intense pull back to them.

It will explain how loving an abusive partner is like an addiction and how you can free yourself from it. And not go into another abusive relationship ever again.

Unbeatable: How I Left a Violent Man will be published soon.

Click here to become part of my exclusive Unbeatable Book Group.

You’ll be the first to hear updates and announcements, get exclusive sneak previews of behind-the-scenes. You’ll be part of the publishing process and have a chance to win a FREE COPY.

Best self-help books guide 2018

I have divided these into various categories. (Some books may double up).

Codependency

Codependency is when you have an addiction to someone who is unavailable to you emotionally. Often they might have their own addictions to say, alcohol and/or drugs. It affects your ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.

It’s also known as “relationship addiction” as codependents often form and stay in relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. It’s a learned behaviour that’s passed down from generation to generation.

It’s a cycle that can also be broken. These books might help you to do this.

Self-help books on Codependency

Facing Codependence: what it is, where it comes from. How it sabotages our lives Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Miller and J. Keith Miller
You’re Not Crazy – You’re Codependent.: What Everyone Affected by Addiction, Abuse, Trauma or Toxic Shaming Must know to have peace in their livesJeanette Elisabeth Menter
Codependency – Loves Me, Loves Me Not: Learn How to Cultivate Healthy Relationships, Overcome Relationship Jealousy, Stop Controlling Others Simeon Lindstrom
Choosing We before Me: Every woman’s guide to life and love Christine Arylo
The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why we love people who hurt us Ross Rosenberg
Codependent No More. How to stop controlling others and caring for yourself Melody Beattie
Beyond codependency and Getting Better all the Time,by Melody Beattie
Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps, by Melody Beattie
The New Co-dependency: Help and guidance for today’s generation Melody Beattie
The Language of Letting Go: Daily meditations on codependency Melody Beatt
Denial Melody Beattie

Narcissistic Abuse

I describe being a victim of narcissist abuse as a frog in boiling water. By the time you realise you are in an abusive relationship it’s too late and hard to break free from.

Emotional abuse is also known as coercive control. At first they’re charming, but then incrementally they switch up their manipulative behaviour. It’s like they have a Dr Jekyll and Mr (or Ms Hyde) personality. A nice side and a nasty side and they flip between the two. This is designed to confuse you and test if you’ll take the blame for it. Ultimately, it’s to gain control over you.

At the core of a narcissist is a combination of a sense of entitlement, an inflated sense of self and ego and low self-esteem.

Self-Help Books on Narcissistic abuse

Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men, Lundy Bancroft
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You (Susan Forward and Donna Frazier)
In Sheep’s Clothing: understanding and dealing with manipulative people – Dr George K. Simon PhD
Why is it all about you? The seven deadly sins of narcissism – Sandy Hotchkiss
Who’s Pulling your Strings? How to break the cycle of manipulation and regain control of your life – Harriet Braiker
Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and thriving with the self-absorbed – Wendy T. Behary LCSW
The Gaslight Effect: how to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life – Dr Robert Stern
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You (Susan Forward and Donna Frazier)
When your Lover is a Liar: Healing the wounds of deception and betrayal – Dr Susan Foreward

Dysfunctional families

A dysfunctional family is one where the normal healthy functioning of the family is impeded through negative behaviour such as abuse, apathy, neglect, or lack of emotional support.

It affects the relationship between the parent and child and other family members accommodate such behavior.

In some cases, children end up with low self-esteem and grow up with the belief that such behaviour is normal. They have a sense they’re not good enough and feel an emotional loneliness or inner void of shame.

As adults it often leads them to replicate their childhood by entering into dysfunctional relationships.

Self help books on dysfunctional families

Will I ever be good enough? Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers, Karyl McBride, PhD
Adult children of Emotionally Immature parents. How to heal from distant, rejecting or self-involved parents, Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD
Difficult mothers, Adult Daughters: a guide for separation, liberation, and inspiration – Karen C.L. Anderson
Dear Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother: 100 letters to help you recover and thrive – Danu Morrigan
The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the impact of domestic violence on family dynamics Lundy Bancroft
When Dad Hurts Mom: Helping your children heal the wounds of witnessing abus Lundy Bancroft
Mothers Who Can’t Love: A healing guide for daughters Susan Forward and Donna Frazier Glynn
Toxic Parents: overcoming their legacy and reclaiming your life Susan Forward and Craig Buck
Toxic In-Laws: Loving strategies for protecting your marriage Susan Forward
Betrayal of Innocence: Incest and its devastation Susan Forward and Craig Buck

Divorcing a Narcissist

Self help books on divorcing a narcissist

Will I Ever be Free of You? How to navigate a high-conflict divorce from a narcissist, and heal your family

Personal Development

Self help books on Personality Development

The Subtle Art of not giving a f*ck: a counterintuitive approach to living a good life Mark Manson
Unf*ck yourself: Get out of your head and into your life Gary John Bishop
Emotional Intelligence: why it can matter more than IQ Daniel Gollman
Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Travis Bradberry
Why me? Why this? Why now? A Guide to Answering Life’s Toughest Questions Robin Norwood
Choices: Taking control of your life and making it matter Melody Beattie
Who you were Meant to Be: A guide to finding or recovering your life’s purpose Lindsay C. Gibson
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Rising Strong: How the ability to reset transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead
Braving the Wildnerness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone
Make Miracles in 40 Days: turning what you have into Melody Beattie
Choices: taking control of your life and making it matter Melody Beattie
Journey to the Heart. Daily meditations on the path to freeing your soul Melody Beattie
The Grief Club: the secret to getting through all kinds of change Melody Beattie
Make Miracles in 40 Days: turning what you have into what you want Melody Beattie

Personal Development Goals

Self Help Books on Personal Development Goals

7 Habits of highly effective people – Powerful lessons in personal change – Stephen R. Covey
The 8th Habit: from effectiveness to greatness – Stephen R. Covey
7 Habits of Highly effective teens – Stephen R. Covey

Self Development Books / Keys to a Happy Life

Self Help Books on Self Development / Keys to a Happy Life

Braving the Wilderness: the quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone Brene Brown
Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead Brene Brown
The Power of Now: a guide to spiritual enlightenment Eckhart Tolle
Emotional intelligence: why it can matter more than IQ Daniel Golman
Journey to the Heart. Daily meditations on the path to freeing your soul
Make Miracles in 40 Days: turning what you have into what you want
Choices: taking control of your life and making it matter

Interpersonal Relations / Dating

Self Help Books on Interpersonal Relations / Dating

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, 3rd Edition: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Nonviolent Communication Guides) Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD
Boundaries. When to say yes, how to say no and take control of your life Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Henry Cloud, John Townsend
Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships

Self-love

Self Help Books on Self Love

Playing it by heart. Taking care of yourself no matter what, by Melody Beattie
Stop Being Mean to Yourself: A story about finding the true meaning of self love, by Melody Beattie
You can heal your life, by Louise Hay
Will I ever be good enough? Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers, Karyl McBride, PhD

Self Help Workbooks

Self Help Books – Workbooks

Codependent No More Workbook Melody Beattie
7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens Workbook Sean Covey
Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Henry Cloud, John Townsend

Adult Children of Alcoholics

Self Help Books on Adult Children of Alcoholics

Adult children of alcoholics Janet G Woititz

True Love & Relationships

Self Help Books on True Love & Relationships

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts Gary Chapman
The 5 love Languages for Men: tools for making a good relationship great Gary D. Chapman, Randy Southern
Hold Me Tight: 7 conversations for a lifetime of love Sue Johnson
Facing Love Addiction: giving yourself the power to change the way you love Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Millar, J. Keith Millar
Love and Respect: the love she most desires; the respect he desperately needs Emerson Eggerichs
What Makes Love Last? How to build trust and avoid betrayal John Gottman PhD, Nan Silver
How to be an Adult in Relationships: the 5 keys to mindful loving David Richo
The Passion Trap: how to right an unbalanced relationship Dean C. Delis, Cassandra Phillips
The Disease to Please: curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome Harriet B. Braiker
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus: the classic guide to understanding the opposite sex John Gray
Boundaries in Marriage Henry Cloud and John Townsend
Betrayal of Innocence: Incest and its devastation Susan Forward and Craig Buck

Love Addiction

Self Help Books on Love Addiction

Facing Love Addiction: giving yourself the power to change the way you love Pia Mellody, Andrea Wells Millar, J. Keith Millar
Women Who Love Too Much. When you keep wishing and hoping he will change Robin Norwood
Codependent no more *
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. When loving hurts and you don’t know why, Dr Susan Foreward
What Makes Love Last? How to build trust and avoid betrayal John Gottman PhD, Nan Silver

Meditations

Self Help Books on Meditations

Daily Meditations for Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood
52 Weeks of Conscious Contact. Meditations for connecting with God, self and others , by Melody Beattie
The Language of Letting Go: Daily meditations on codependency, by Melody Beattie
More language of Letting Go. 366 New daily meditations, by Melody Beattie
Journey to the Heart. Daily meditations on the path to freeing your soul, by Melody Beattie
Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That? Encouragement for Women Involved with Angry and Controlling Men, by Lundy Bancroft
Experience your Good Now! Learning to use affirmations, by Louise Hay

Self-help books for men

Self Help Books for men

The Man in the Mirror: Solving the 24 problems men face Patrick Morley
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus: the classic guide to understanding the opposite sex John Gray
The 5 love Languages for Men: tools for making a good relationship great Gary D. Chapman, Randy Southern
Love and Respect: the love she most desires; the respect he desperately needs Emerson Eggerichs

Self help books for women

Self Help Books for women

Women Who Love Too Much. When you keep wishing and hoping he will change Robin Norwood
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them. When loving hurts and you don’t know why Dr Susan Foreward
Letters from Women Who Love Too Much Robin Norwood
Will I ever be good enough? Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers Karyl McBride, PhD
Difficult mothers, Adult Daughters: a guide for separation, liberation, and inspiration – Karen C.L. Anderson
Dear Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother: 100 letters to help you recover and thrive – Danu Morrigan
Mothers Who Can’t Love: A healing guide for daughters Susan Forward and Donna Frazier Glynn
Love and Respect: the love she most desires; the respect he desperately needs Emerson Eggerichs
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus: the classic guide to understanding the opposite sex John Gray

What self-help books or personal development books have changed your life and how?

Did I leave one of your favourites out?

Let me know in the comments below.