Self-acceptance and loving yourself NOW
Do you remember the film Bridget Jones’ Diary?
When Mr Darcy said told Bridget:
I love you just the way you are
Do you accept yourself and love yourself just the way you are?
I mean really accept and love yourself?
I talk a lot about self-worth, self-love and all the self-dash-things.
Self-worth, self-love, self-esteem, self-belief, and self-awareness.
This time I want to talk about self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance
We often look to external factors to make ourselves feel good about ourselves.
How many likes we get on Instagram.
How many followers and friends we have on Facebook.
We look at whether we’re pretty enough, handsome enough.
Are we achieving enough compared to others?
You may think:
They’ve got a better job than me.
They’ve got a flashier car than I do.
They’re earning more money than me.
They’ve got a better apartment.
The biggest mistake we all make is looking to the external world to make us happy within.
If you keep doing that, you’ll go down the wrong path in life.
You’ll keep chasing external validation and approval and fleeting things that make you feel good for a short amount of time.
If I buy this new dress then I’ll feel great about myself.
If I buy that new watch, then I’ll feel happy.
Well yes, you will.
As long as that dress or watch and that feeling of happiness last.
Self-esteem
You’re still the same person inside.
I remember when I was in an abusive relationship and I was desperate to free myself but couldn’t escape.
My whole self-worth came from that relationship.
I didn’t accept myself.
I needed that relationship with a gorgeous actor to make me look good to the outside world and feel good inside.
It and he was my source of self-esteem.
I fled to another country because I found it so hard to separate from him.
I got on a plane and thought if I can put distance between us then maybe I can break free.
But you can’t escape from yourself.
I couldn’t hide from me.
I was still that same girl who then looked to other things to make me feel good about myself.
I didn’t accept myself.
I didn’t think I was good enough.
Self-acceptance is important.
Do you really accept yourself?
Self-compassion
Compassion for yourself is really really important.
There’s no point in having compassion unless that compassion includes you.
Compassion for and acceptance of yourself as who you are right now mean accepting yourself warts and all.
We’re unique.
There are 7 billion people on this planet.
There is only one person like you.
Celebrate yourself for that.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
There’s always going to be somebody more attractive, more successful, smarter, skinnier or whatever.
There always will be.
If you spend your life wasting your energy focusing on others and trying to measure up to them.
If you eat nothing to become a Size Zero, become a fitness freak to be as buff as the other blokes, you’re never going to be happy.
Your happiness is depending on external factors.
It will come and go.
Find happiness within
You’ll find it though when you have absolute self-acceptance.
When you’re happy and comfortable in your skin.
You know, I look back at photos of myself 20 years ago and think:
Oh gosh, why did I not get how beautiful I was?
I looked great. Youth is beauty.
We all look amazing when we’re young and most of us, me included don’t realize it.
What a waste of beauty and youth.
Today, I’m middle-aged.
I might obsess over my wrinkles that are getting deeper and more prevalent as the years go by or the cellulite down my thighs.
The fact that the collagen in my skin is not as tight as it used to be and I’m made to feel shameful for it by marketers vying to sell me anti-aging skin cream.
The truth is, in 20 years time when I look back at photos of me today, I’m gonna say the same thing:
Why did I not see how beautiful I was?
If that is so, then I will have been a stupid fool for wasting another 20 years no accepting myself for who I am today.
So, look at yourself.
Do you accept yourself the way you are knowing that in 20 years time you’re going to look back at yourself and think:
I looked so great then!
Look at your job.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a Janitor, or a pilot, teacher or banker.
Are you happy in that job?
Are you doing the job that you love?
Are you fulfilled by the work that you’re doing?
Do you feel a sense of purpose?
Are you living your life according to your moral and ethical values?
Are you surrounded by people who bring out the best in you and support you?
Are you in a relationship that’s worth it?
If not, then change things.
That starts from within you.
Change starts with you
Accept who you are and look at what your strengths are.
Acknowledge, accept and forgive your weaknesses too.
Learn from your mistakes so you can grow and become a better person.
Part of that self-acceptance is understanding you are where you are meant to be right now because your journey is an individual journey.
Everybody else’s journey is individual and unique to them to and it’s not yours.
Where you are at the moment is not a comparison.
It’s not a race against others.
You’re only in a race against yourself.
Try and accept who you are and where you are in your life right now.
If this is not bringing you joy, purpose or happiness, don’t look at external factors to try and make it better.
Like alcohol, drugs, addictive shopping, over- or under-eating, obsessing about whether you’ve got enough followers on Facebook.
Or chasing unfulfilling relationships. Relationships that aren’t great for you.
Look deeper within.
If you go back to who you are and stay true to your core values, beliefs, and goals.
If you accept and love yourself just the way you are, then you’ll find the self-confidence to listen to your gut when it warns you something or someone is not right for you.
You’ll not need to compare yourself to others. You’ll let go of certain friends or people in your life who don’t enhance it.
If that means leaving a dysfunctional relationship that hurts you.
Or, changing jobs and finding one that’s aligned to who you really are, then go for it.
It all starts with you, self-acceptance and loving yourself warts and all.
There is only one of you.
And you know those people you’re comparing yourself to?
They’re comparing themselves to you.
So, celebrate all the great things about you and stop beating yourself over the head with the things that you don’t feel good enough about.
That’s a limiting belief.
You are beautiful, handsome, you are smart, good at what you do, talented and worthy.
You deserve to have a great life.
So, start with self-acceptance and know that you’re more than good enough to have that.
Trackbacks/Pingbacks