Avoiding pain
Running from pain, I was running from myself.
I was shocked when I heard this:
Most of us run away from pain, not towards pleasure.
Why do we go back over and over again to abusive relationships?
Even when we know how much it hurts us?
Why does our heart tug at us to stay, even when our head screams at us to run away?
Why do we ignore and minimise red flags and warning signs when dating that we can see and know are there?
Because we want to run away from the pain that hurts so badly when we leave abusive relationships.
We know just one more hug or ‘I love you’ will make us feel better again, even if we know in our heads the abuse will return.
Or the love-bombing when dating a new charismatic, dangerous man (or woman) makes us feel attractive and lovable again.
It’s like heroin to an addict.
It numbs the pain.
I want to run away
We become addicted to an emotionally unavailable man (or woman).
We need that high and the very person who hurts us so badly to make us feel good about ourselves again.
Why is it we do that – run back to abusive relationships or into new ones to run away from the pain?
Instead of running towards pleasure – that beautiful new life that is there waiting for you right now?
You’d think it was obvious.
Why wouldn’t you run as fast as we could towards a life in which you’ll never walk on eggshells again?
In which you’ll wake up happy every day and you’ll laugh again.
The one in which you confidently know you’ll not end up alone and you’ll grow old with someone who loves you for who you are, respects you and treats you kindly.
And if choose to stay alone, you’ll live a life in which you’ll never feel lonely.
You’ll know exactly who you are, live true to yourself and confidently know and make the right decisions needed to create the most beautiful life you want.
And you’ll never settle for anything less than you deserve ever again.
Why do we not run as fast as we can towards that? It’s crazy!
Deep emotional pain
The answer is this:
Because facing ourselves and looking deep within scares us.
Terrifies us actually.
If you’re like I was, the pain of looking deep inside, admitting that it was ME who was getting in my own way, let alone identifying the root cause of my insecurities and facing my fears was overwhelming.
Your natural reaction is to avoid this pain at any cost and so your brain goes towards what’s familiar.
Familiar feels more comfortable to you, even when means reverting to those negative old tapes and patterns of behavior that sabotage your life and hurt you.
So, you become like a stuck record, trapped in a negative cycle and feel helpless to change.
You opt for short term relief of pain rather than running towards pleasure.
What you may not realise is this:
What feels like a dark tunnel and so terrifying to you right now will lead you to the most incredible light.
You have no idea how beautiful your life will be when you are free from pain, when love doesn’t hurt, when you no longer fear the future as you know it will be amazing.
It’s there waiting for you.
I just wish I knew back then what I know now, I would have experienced a lot less suffering and taken advantage of so many more beautiful opportunities.
I wish I had had someone to mentor and guide me and this is what I want for you.
To give you the exact steps to take to fast track your way to recover from abusive relationships, fall back in love with yourself and never settle for anything less than you deserve again.
And to do it in months, not the years it took me.
And that’s one of the things that bugs me about therapy.
There are great counsellors out there I’m sure, but then there’s others who seem to want to keep you needing to rely on them for years. And how much does that cost you emotionally and financially?
How to stop emotional pain
One woman I have worked with, Norma had been to therapy for ten years!
She came to me in crisis and said her life was a mess as she struggled to leave an abusive relationship.
Within just months of working with me she went from a terrified, powerless woman who put her needs second to everyone to a confident and happy one. She’s broken free from her abusive relationship and now living in a beautiful home of her own.
She was afraid of the future and worried it was too late for her to ever find real love. Now, for the first time in her entire adult life she looks forward to the future with great optimism. It was life-changing she said.
All because we got to the root cause of how and why she ended up in abusive relationships in the first place. And healed her. Not just patched over the symptoms with a bandaid.
Norma is one of those lucky women who made the 5 shifts and changed her life.
She stopped wasting precious time and energy on a man who abused her, let go of trying to fix him and focused on healing herself.
And she invested in herself and mentoring with me.
Together we dug deep to identify the child inside, how badly it was steering and sabotaging her life and find the root cause of why. It’s changed her life.
Norma had had therapy for ten years. She told me she wishes she’d met me earlier.
There’s a beautiful African proverb that comes to mind when I think of the power of mentorship:
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
Often I find the people I work with have been making the #1 mistake I made and it may be one you’re inadvertently making too.
They believe that if they do more, achieve more, work harder, please others more, prove more they’re lovable and worthy enough then they can change what is not working in their lives and unblock what’s stopping them from achieving happiness, joy and a successful, fulfilling life and loving relationships.
Hands up if you’ve ever found yourself doing this?
The trouble with trying to change the outside world is it’s like rearranging the chairs on the titanic. Controlling the uncontrollable.
You need to approach life from the opposite way.
Healing emotional pain
You can’t change anything outside of you. But, you can change you!
I’m here to tell you you have the Power Within You to choose who you want to be and create the life you deserve.
You may think your situation is different. But we all have the power within us to change our lives. To overcome every single obstacle that blocks our way.
It’s been there all along and once you realise that and tap into it it will change your life forever.
Once you learn this you’ll never unlearn it and the difference it makes is exponential.
The results are enormous from these very little mind shifts.
Change is possible and it starts with an empowered you.
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